I’m honestly glad that I’m getting better at erasing my memories. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I feel like it’s the right thing for me, especially with the situation I keep getting myself into over and over again.

I’m happy that I’m forgetting names, faces, and times. Most of them at least, but for some people that has entered my life, I can’t seem to erase them. I can erase the events that happened with them, but I can never erase some of the emotions or even the hurtful memories that course through my mind from time to time.

But what sucks about me erasing all these memories is that once I remember one of them, I just snap. I break down. I turn into a total different person, and then I quickly try to recover and try to get rid of it again. The next day I’ll end up fine again, or sometimes the next day, I’ll always remember, but I will always be able to keep it under control now.

And I do admit I get close to the brink of suicide because of this, but I really don’t care if I live or die, I just want to try and smile again.